Going once, going twice

In the news...North Korea tests nuclear weapons.

On Monday, if you turned on the news, you probably felt like the end of the world was yet again a step closer. Two steps, if you were in Japan or South Korea. The weekend drowsiness blew away like a cloud with the announcement of the North Korea’s nuclear test, closely following the launch of DRNK’s first ballistic missile in April. Just when you thought you were becoming an expert on Iran’s nuclear cookery.

With the Middle East and South East Asia being prioritised in today’s political climate, it is not difficult to forget about North Korea. The last surviving communist state with a Stalinist flavour, North Korea is a small area on the world map covered in rice paddies and green hills. It is heavily overshadowed by the West’s arch-enemies from the Cold War era - Russia and China. When you expect bad news, you probably don’t immediately think it’ll be coming from the depths of the Korean marshes, on the edge of reason.

Most of the information circulating about the state of the North Korean affairs seems to be conjecture, if not high-brow mockery. Behind the iron curtain for the not-so-wealthy - the barb-wire fence - The Dear Leader and his country remain somewhat of a mystery to the rest of the world. Russian state media is sometimes allowed to film at Communist Party rallies and other social state-controlled events as a favour for its big brother status left over from the good old days. But apart from pictures of inspired youths in uniforms reciting government propaganda in flawless Russian, very little substantial knowledge is obtained. And up until October 2006, when DRNK claims to have conducted its first nuclear test, no one has been all that curious.

In 1994, the Clinton administration considered strategic strikes against North Korea, but retracted after the promises of the Eternal Dear Leader Kim Il Sung to shut down the Yongbyon reactor. When Kim Joll Il, son of the founding-father and current leader of North Korea, restarted the nuclear development, the Bush administration has cut down it’s humanitarian aid programme and was rebuked by the world community for using food as a weapon. Again, Pyongyang promised to de-nuclearise, but instead doubled its efforts in 2006. Now, President Obama cannot decide what ultimatum to present to the ‘axis of evil’. The North is probably going to offer shutting Yongbyon, again.

In 2006, when three strategic missiles hit Russian territorial waters in Nahodka Sea, not far from where President Putin was visiting a military base, Russian anti-missile systems missed them. Embarrassing? The Americans alerted them. Russia is really much closer to the potential threat than anyone would like to think. Experts claim that in the case of a nuclear explosion, the Russian port of Vladivostok, in Siberia, would be covered by fallout within two hours. And still, no one seems to be taking the situation seriously. The news of the nuclear test did not even make the news headlines on the state channel.

Russia has all the more reasons to be embarrassed. It is a well-known secret that the reason why North Korea even has a nuclear programme. There are nuclear black market reports tracing North Korean nuclear gear to Lybia. Which is not that far from Iran, whose attempts to enrich uranium have had Russia’s support, despite international condemnation.

And of course there are the personal ties with Kim. Take alone his nationally televised trip in a bulletproof train around Russia not that long ago. Moscow was so proud to have him stop by. Pictures of the waving un-smiling Dear Leader took over the networks for days.

Many experts claim that North Korea is not really a threat. Western scientists seriously doubt its resources for a nuclear weapon. And even if that was achieved, North Korea still does not have a warhead capable of carrying a nuclear bomb. Or so they think. The trick here is that no one rally knows. Maybe not even Mr. Kim. His erratic behaviour following an alleged stroke and disappearance from public life last year, suggests that a large part of the nuclear threat might be in his head. But this is probably wishful thinking on our part.

Still, with the world’s fifth largest army - 1.2 million active, oppressed, hungry soldiers and a desperation so deep that losing their lives might seem a small price to pay, North Korea is not a neighbour one would wish for. With Japan’s tragic history of nuclear power, it is probably not comforting to think that North and South Korea are still technically at war; and that Russia and Japan also do not have a World War II peace settlement.

While the North is making statements about its readiness for military action, all that the South seems to do is burn banners with the UN Security Council sanctions written across. It is indeed getting hot at the UN, where talks are held to determine the course of action. With Russia and China opposing further sanctions in fear of causing a complete collapse of the state of North Korea, Japan and South Korea would probably like, but not dare to suggest, direct military action. And in Washington, President Obama is answering these phone calls on the proverbial telephone, that may or may not ring at 3 a.m. Good luck, world. 

It's not easy being gay

In the news...Moscow banns gay pride...California upholds ban on gay marriage.

The term ‘gay’, and we don’t mean ‘jolly’, like any other word, bears a different meaning for different people. Some think of men in flamboyant clothes dancing along to Wham! records. Some think of women with short hair and no make-up. Some envision skimpily dressed men and women dancing on top of trucks at the height of Berlin summer. Some, like myself, don’t think it is any more important than other aspects of everyday life. Some, like the Moscow government, think it’s Devil’s spawn. 

May 27th is Russia’s national Anti-Homophobia Day. Well, not really national. But it sounds more important that way. And honestly, it really should be. 

This year, in an attempt to get more publicity, the Gay Pride parade was scheduled to coincide with the Eurovision Song Contest on May 16th. No major news-networks paid any attention. Not because it is a well-known procedure, like it is in Germany or Canada, but because most people in Russia would rather think it does not exist. Much like cannibalism, according to one online, liberal newspaper. 

Reading the online publications is truly chilling. Most of Europe bans anti-gay discrimination, by law. Of course the world wide web is a free-agent, but brutal anti-homosexual rhetoric hardly makes it into the first page of Google search results when you type in the word ‘gay parade’. Writing on the Russian Political News Agency website, one author claims that he has nothing against gays per se, but he feels that their life style has a ‘breath of hell’ in it. He also doesn’t believe in biological determination of homosexuality; young men are attracted to it because of it’s orgies, multiple sexual partners, and - hold your breath - drug-like sexual intensity. Doesn’t he sound convincing? And all the bright-coloured robes and loud parties where gay men go mad are just the result of inner degradation. Either way, you get the picture. 

What really happened on Saturday afternoon is not exactly clear. The press has no clear number of protesters, or how many of those present were actually part of the parade and who’s come to beat them up. Journalists and the Moscow special forces police - OMON, seemed to outnumber the gay rights protesters by about ten to one, judging by the photographs of the event. According to various news agencies, including the New York Times and Associated Press, some 40 to 80 people were arrested, among them a dozen or so foreigners. What happened to the detainees, is not reported.

Today, the California High Court upheld the ban on gay marriage, which it allowed a year ago. People took to the streets. No one stopped them. Not because they couldn’t, but...well, who cares why. Anti-gay supporters probably could give you an interesting array of speculations. A handful of countries in the world, among them Holland and Canada, have fully equated same-sex relationships in the law statutes. The rest of the world is still trying to decide how it should feel about homosexuality. Like in the Seychelles, where sexual relations between men are considered illegal, but not between women. Why? Go figure. But can you imagine if the mayor of say, New York or London, openly described homosexuality as satanism? No, didn’t think so.

Russia’s recent campaign to establish itself as a modern, progressive nation is under way. Many of the above-mentioned critics, who befoul homosexuality, admit that Russia would be chastised for it’s old-fashioned treatment of the issue.  From where I’m sitting, if Russia really wants an upgrade from the  dark ages, it might want to consider, well, I don’t know...No, sorry. This is all a bit too sad for jokes.

Thou shalt not click

In the news...Iran banns Facebook.

In the last few years, the social-networking site Facebook has been making the headlines with fraught privacy laws, predictions of inevitable bankruptcy and the never-ending user growth. Today, somebody finally seems to have taken it seriously for the first time.

According to the BBC, the Iranian government has temporarily banned access to the website prior to the July 12 presidential elections. The action is speculatively explained by President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad’s opponents as a way to limit the exposure of his chief rival, the former Prime Minister (1981-89) Mir Hussein Moussavi. Facebook has expressed its regret that the ban has come "at a time when voters are turning to the Internet as a source of information about election candidates and their positions". Now, it does seem that Facebook has maybe taken itself a bit too seriously. 

If you enter Mr. Moussavi’s name in the Facebook ‘search’ bar, you’ll see that he has about 20 supporter pages, the largest of which numbers just over 5,000 members. According to the Financial Times, who we trust to have counted diligently, Mr. Moussavi has over 7,500 followers. President Ahmadinejad also has a support base. His biggest fan-club has just over 7,000 members. However, one cannot but notice multiple minor groups titled ‘Assassinate Ahmadinejad’, ‘ Ahmadinejad = Hitler’ and, pardon me but I am only quoting, ‘FUCK Ahmadinejad’. There are over 500 of these doting or hating groups, some counting only one member. You might think it’s a big number. Not when you consider that FOX’s Dr. House has 4.5 million fans, trailed by Michael Phelps with 1.7 million. On Facebook, more people seem to care about pickles than Iranian politics. Ok, I’m exaggerating. The number’s actually about the same.

Well, then. There are words whispered about ‘freedoms’ and ‘informations’. Facebook would like to take this opportunity to thank Iran for making it appear much more relevant than it ever has been. According to the Financial Times, again (we do like their numbers), out of Iran’s 70 million inhabitants, 47 million have mobile phones and 21 million have internet access. Admittedly, Facebook has facilitated the spread of junk-mail to all your friends in one swift click. But it has not replaced good old reliable e-mail. And online publications offer a comprehensive overview of any politician you may be interested in. When researching Obama’s foreign policy, who are you going to trust: Mike from Hawaii (Creator) or The Economist? Hm. Let me think about this one. 

So all in all, the information blockade did not happen in Iran. Compared to China’s 1989 foreign media blackout, this was a minor hiccup. After a few hours, access has been reinstated. Iranian people are now free to take ‘What ice-cream flavour are you?’ quizzes and poke each until the sun goes down.  We’ll just have to watch Facebook try transporting its virtual importance into the real world, while its 175 million active users remain plugged into the wall. 

The illusion of well-being

In the news...Eurovision 2009, Sochi 2012, World Cup 2018.

Russia has great plans. Well, it had. While the oil prices were high, so was the government. Among Putin’s last contributions as president was securing Sochi as the host of the 2012 Winter Olympics. Recently, suggestions have circulated about Russia hosting the 2018 FIFA World Cup. In the meantime, it is planning to stun everyone with the most expensive, most extravagant Eurovision Song Contest competition. World economic crisis? What crisis? 

While Europe and the rest of the world are struggling with the credit crunch, Russia refuses to let the cracks show. Last year, hosting Eurovision cost Serbia around 24 million Euros.  Moscow’s preliminary estimate is $42 million. Ambitious. While Ireland admitted that it would prefer its contestant not to win considering that in the current economic situation the country would not able to sustain the costs of staging such an event, Russia is nonplussed. If there’s one thing it could always do well, even in the darkest communist times, was put on a show. And everyone seemed happy.

The critics have voiced concerns that Eurovision is only a prelude to the 2012 inevitable failure. Optimism is not one of Russia’s natural strengths. To prove everyone wrong, the production utilised twice the lighting and 10 times the video equipment for the largest stage Eurovision has ever seen. And, if you watched the semi-finals, it shows. 

Accordnig to Artur Gasparyan, the music editor at the Moscovskij Komsomolets, grand does not mean beautiful. In an interview with Radio Echo Moscow, he complained about neglecting little details that are all so important. For example, the organisers have secured a 6 million Euro lighting set from China, which is to rival the Beijing Olympics show, but the press-packs were laughable. And who needs a 26-meter long bar, the longest in Europe? However, he might have missed the point there. When you can get a drink any time of day or night, surrounded by young fashionable people (of whom there are many), who cares about details? Or about anything, for that matter? 

And, of course, there had to be a scandal about the Russian contestant. Anastasia Prihodko, from the Ukraine, has spent the last months defending herself against accusations of racism. She was stressed, she protested. However, footage of her saying that black people can be bought is circulating all over the internet. She also refused to sing with the Russian Jewish choir. Her brother has been photographed at the Ukrainian Nationalists meeting wearing their arm-band. He denied any affiliation. Is there a shame if you don’t like the Chinese? Well, if you are a national figurehead, maybe there is. Too bad no one told her. 

While Moscow is getting ready to, well, rock you, the rest of the country is, well, rocking. In a somewhat different way. Russian Channel 1 news, after running the cheerful Eurovision story, had a nasty counter-balance: the cardiological center, unveiled less than a year ago as part of the national health program in Penza, has been shut down temporarily because of the lack of government subsidies. According to an online newspaper, FORUM.msk.ru, the ministry of health has planned 881 heart surgeries for the cardio-center in the year 2009. So far, 820 surgeries have been performed and the doctors are being forced to take a break. The ministry did not appreciate the doctors complaining to the papers. But what the hell, now they are pushing the numbers up to 1881 treated patients. Per year. In a country, where one in a thousand people need some sort of heart surgery every year, this sure does sound...promising. 

The citizens of Sochi are losing their homes because people have a tendency to live where new grandiose stadiums would look better. At least five new sports facilities would have to be built to house the 2012 Olympics, along with new roads and a new airport. They might as well budget in the price of snow, because Sochi is a sea-side resort famous for its mild climate. That’s where Putin has his summer residence. The logic of choosing it as a capital for the Winter Olympics is indeed overpowering. And the current mayor, of the government party, still manages to get over 70% at the recent election. Out of forty-odd contestants. Miracle?

So Russia is desperate to prove to the world that it is developed country with stable economy. And it’s ready to cash out for the status update. The estimate is, again according to Moskovkij Komsomolets, that if Russia does indeed host the World Cup, it would cost between $12 and $15 billion on top of the Sochi expenditure - compared to $400 million Germany had spent recently. Godspeed. Maybe, while Russia is kicking the ball around listening to cheap Europop, it should consider simply buying a whole new country instead. It’s easier than rebuilding the old one. 

Georgia on my mind

In the news...a supposed military coup in Georgia.

Georgia has never been lucky with neighbours. Or just the one neighbour. Or just lucky. Being stuck on the frontier between Western Russia and the Middle East, the small Caucasian republic has been invaded enough times to lose any sense of identity. Or so you’d think. 

The daytime news bulletin on Russia’s Channel 1 opened with the oh-so familiar shot of tanks rolling through the spring-green. As nature wakes up and blooms, manic depressives and schizophrenics enter the period of springtime exacerbation, so the political theatre raises its curtain. The Georgian State Department has just issued a claim that there has been a coup attempt 30km outside of the capital Tbilisi. 

According to initial reports, there has been a mutiny at the Mukhorvani military base, where the commanders have demanded the resignation of the recent President-troubled Mikheil Saakashvili. The military was said to be unhappy with Georgia’s conduct of the 2008 brief war with Russia and was in favour of closer relations with the big brother neighbour. So it was all Russia’s fault. Surprise.

What is surprising is that Channel 1 has taken the breaking news so seriously.  After all, Georgia has a record of falsifying evidence in support of numerous claims of national treason. The most recent one hit the Georgian state television just this March. On the hotline from Radio Echo Moscow to Tbilisi, the former Ambassador of Georgia to Moscow Erosi Kitsmarishvili said that he mistrusted any official information and would not be surprised if the mutiny appeared nothing more than a hoax. Well, he is in the opposition. Mistrust of the government is his job-description. Especially considering that for the past three weeks (or 2007, depends on how you count) the opposition has staged a protest in Tbilisi demanding Saakashvili’s resignation. And tomorrow was supposed to be the start of the Georgian-Nato military exercise so frowned upon by Russia. Bad timing? I think not. 

The Russian Bureau chief of The Economist stated that Saakashvili is not crazy enough to stage a provocation at this point in time. Not that the Georgian government was admitting to anything. It was a Russian conspiracy, said official Georgia. They are all nuts, said the Kremlim. That is the vein of high-level political exchange that the people of the two countries have grown so familiar with in the past few years, ever since NATO-hopeful Saakashvili came to opwer in 2004. In the volatile political and economic climate of the Caucuses, it’s nice when at least something remains constant.  

What really happened is still a bit of a mystery. However, what started as a rude awakening in the misty morning, was ‘resolved’ by 3 p.m. with up to 500 soldiers of the renegade base surrendering voluntarily and piling into buses provided by the government to be transported for questioning. The leaders also surrendered and were arrested. Have you seen the footage of the latest street unrest in Tbilisi? Stockpiling into a big yellow bus seems somewhat out of their revolutionary character.

By the evening, Channel 1 had changed its tone. Accusations of Georgia’s fabrications became abundant, like someone just remembered they’ve seen this before. Supposed organisers of the ‘coup’ were being arrested. The commanders declared that their intentions were to draw the government’s attention and encourage talks with the opposition leaders; we were not going to riot, the military was adamant. Well, the opposition was getting ready to hit the streets. Saakashvilli was shown chewing his own tie (footage from August 2008). Not crazy enough to stage a provocation at this point in time? Oh really. It all turned into a big media farce. We can only hope that NATO liked the show. 

The Day of Pigs

In the news...a deadly virus is going to kill us all.

We are all going to die. Again.

Over our bacon and eggs, as we nonchalantly shrugged off familiar echoes of global recession and renegade communist leaders shooting rockets into the sky above us, the sound of poor people dying in a poor country hardly made anyone wink. But then something started leaking west-ward (non-geographically speaking), and we perked our ears.

CNN opened the news sequence with the headline: Swine Flu Outbreak. Ok. A picture of a scared-looking little girl in a face-mask, her big brown eyes looking into the camera hangs as a solemn retribution on the studio screen. Another poster-child for disaster. And now, from the creators of the chilling The End of the World II, comes a brilliant new sequel... The pretty anchor looks on compassionately as people reports hurry in about people in New Zealand preparing to stock up not only on surgical masks, but also food and matches. As the queues outside clinics and departure desks in Mexico grow longer, we go live to London Heathrow, where the authorities are getting ready for the Second Coming. It is a grim day, wind slapping torrential rain over the face of a dainty blonde reporter in a long coat and gloves. It is almost May. Somehow we immediately doubt the tropical virus’ chances of survival here. Maybe that’s why the BBC World News are keeping so cool.

But while we go live to London, where soft-spoken university professors are reassuring us that it is too early to worry, and it is still a few days before we see Barack Obama talking about the importance of washing your hands and sneezing into your arm, the Russians don’t seem much bothered. The headline on Monday Channel One News is...the Russian patrol ship has captured one pirate vessel off the Somali coast. Well, such was Russia’s response to the marauding crisis in the African waters about a month ago; it’s reassuring to know the idea was not completely ridiculous. After all, what is the use of just one ship? Bite that, skeptics.

Not that Russia ignored the subject completely. The day when the first cases have migrated to Europe, the state channel raised the question of Russian citizens reconsidering their May-day trips to Spain and France, with over 30% of all purchased tours having been cancelled. You can’t but smile at the idea of the swarms of freshly-baked non-communists spending the most socialist of all holidays at European resorts. Spring in Paris. Indeed, so much has changed. And Gorbachev is still not getting much credit. But overall, the Russian response to the looming pandemic has been rather lukewarm as second-rate news. This coming from a peoples who disconnected two train-cars and held up an entire line of railroad last month when an Asian-looking woman exhibited flu-like symptoms on a train to Moscow. Yes, apparently no one listens to the news.

Today is Saturday, and the western media is still opening with the news from Mexico. A grotesque 300, 000 pigs are reported to await slaughter in Cairo. All of a sudden, the authorities are not happy with the idea of down-town farms run on garbage waste. Well, better late than never. Sorry for the pigs. Especially since it is not even called ‘swine flu’ anymore. Yes, if you didn’t know that, you haven’t been listening, just like the Russians. Tut-tut. Reports say that the name has been changed to ‘novel flu’ (and some, less politically-correct places, ‘Mexican flu’) to avoid panic and ensure that people still bought completely safe pork. Or perhaps, as the idea of a pandemic spread across our consciousness, someone suggested that it would seem a lot nobler if millions of people died of the ‘novel flu’. Even if they died like pigs.